Staring at the blank page trying to come up with a line I have
ideas scattering Bumping the edges of my mind and traveling off into the stratosphere
yet refusing to flow I look on at the writing that is presented to me that
disrupts and addresses the uncomfortable yet flows has rhythm how do I reach
into my mind pull out the topics I would like and reach that level of artistry intimidation
setting in I write down lines that are in my mind as I go yet I question I have
questioned I question all the time if it fits if its within the realms of the
assignment given if it actually covers the topic if it actually is the assignment
if I did it right right right pounding my mind like a title wave I hate my mind
sometimes the instincts that guide me that inspire are crushed my the critic
inside that tells me screams at me that I am not never have done it right that I
need to check check check panic forever anxiety mounting and making my head
spin what is this why is this why cant I just write why do I stare at the blank
page inspiration and images color and characters pounding in my mind to be free
yet I don’t because of distraction or work or intimidation there is always
something something something seomthign and I am sick of it I can only ramble
and question my choice to write like this what will they think don’t let them
know you’re a mess too you have to be professional keep your work clean make
something good good good good good but I can’t all I can do is ramble how did I
get to this point how am I here I cant stop I cant move forward stuck while
everyone else accelerates struggling against everything flowing against me trying
to find where it is worth the struggle I find it in the moments of peace that
are interrupted by my mistakes should I share my line how much should I show of
myself before I back up I was more confident in the past where did the vestiges
of my self-esteem go maybe this is a bad idea I should stop should I tell
everything even when unprovoked no one is asking the topic hasn’t been brought
up the things I want to talk about are things that either aren’t discussed and
might confuse the topics presented or might bore because of frequency or lack of
insight or maybe I ramble or overshare like my tendency is too and I should
just shut up not and keep it inside before I do something I regret something I want
to talk to educate about screaming and pounding the tip of my tongue yet I keep
my mouth shut now I know the meaning of the phrase “repeatedly coming out” yet
I cannot even quite place myself with that crowd because they might not think I
exist in the first place I’m going too far the piece was fine at regret what am
I doing I should stop now
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