For me, writing this piece has been cyclical and fluid in
the same way that glass melting is, or that digesting fruit is. As I mentioned
in my Week 5 Analysis, I identify with Maggie Nelson’s struggle with letting go
of a past lover. Heartbreak and bouncing back from it has been a painful yet
rewarding cycle for me, with admittedly a lot of growth but never much stability
from any partner besides myself. In continuing my piece, I wanted to address
how terrifying it is to let someone in again after you have worked so hard to
be comfortable on your own. More than anything, I have second-guessed myself. I
have never been part of a healthy relationship, mainly because I struggled with
substance abuse for so many years. My longest time being single began with my
last breakup and my sobriety. When I got clean I was able reassess my previously
poor character judgments. The kinds of partners (and friends) I had been
choosing ranged from incompatible with me, to truly terrible people. This would’ve
been obvious to most people with any amount of intuition. In my piece I wanted
to touch on what it feels like to try to trust your intuition again, and to let
someone in. I found it to be a confusing but interesting journey.
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