I wholeheartedly identified with Maggie Nelson’s struggle
with letting go of a past lover. I have also had struggles like this, and with
letting go of friends who were not supportive of the changes I once needed to
make in my life. In my response I wrote about an experience I had with one of
my best friends who was an alcoholic. She and I have been friends since I was
eighteen and we both always had a hard time with relationships and
independence. I think independence is a big focus in Nelson’s piece. She has a
curious mind, and cannot help compulsively researching and learning. She seems
like an autodidact to me, someone self-taught in pretty much everything but her
own self-worth. This is what I tried to explore –how “loneliness is solitude
with a problem” as Nelson so wisely puts it. I once clung to friends and lovers
who had the same bad habits as I did. I was afraid to be alone, to be
responsible for myself. I forgot how to be my own person. Because of all this, I
really enjoyed delving into this evolving theme of self-sufficiency. For me,
fruit and plants helped me along to a new path of independence, and
healthy-self medicating through beautiful plant compounds. I worship fruit and
vegetables the way that Nelson worships blue.
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